ButtMunch the Stinkhound
by The Flaming Alberto
Summary: A delightfully offensive satire of Sonic Adventure. If you are offended at all after reading this... GOOD! That's what I was aiming for! BWAHAH! Rated R for foul language and gross humor
1. Fun in the Sun

_(Time for a rollicking, offensive Sonic the Hedgehog parody! I own all the characters in this satire, but none of the ones they're based on, obviously)_

**Buttmunch the Stinkhound**  
by the Flaming Alberto

Chapter 1  
**Fun in the Sun**

One calm, peaceful night in the city of Pittsburgh, our "hero" ButtMunch the Stinkhound was doing what he normally did on peaceful nights. Namely, disturbing the peace by leaping from building to building at light speed.

[ButtMunch: _(Looks like a morbidly obese, green Sonic with little rinky-dinky ears and piggy eyes.)_ _Ssshhoooot_, **BOY!** Dis is **_happenin'_**! ...Though I don't really know why I'm doin' dis! _(Translated from Cheezy Ghetto Accent)_

Suddenly, a helicopter flew overhead and ButtMunch stopped dead in his tracks.

[ButtMunch: _(His little ears perk up.) **Goit!?**_

Then the sound of sirens were heard, and every trace of silence had been destroyed. ButtMunch leapt on a skyscraper and grabbed the spire, dramatically putting his other hand over his eyes to see what was happening.

[ButtMunch: _--de hell goin' on down dah?_

Suddenly, snapping was heard and the point at the top of the sky scraper broke under ButtMunch's immense weight! Luckily, though, ButtMunch didn't splatter all over the concrete from his 20-story drop! **Heavens no!** He merely bounced back, thanks to his great mounds of fat! As ButtMunch stumbled up, he noticed three police cars careening off towards the area of the city where his "girlfriend" Crazy Hoe lived.

[ButtMunch: Hehe, Crazy prob'ly done killed anotha' civilian! Heheh dat crazy bitch... _(Shakes his head and rolls his eyes with a loving smile on his fat face.)_ Well, I betta' get goin' so I'z can get a good seat fo' da' carnage!

And with that, ButtMunch followed the police cars with surprising superhuman speed! Once he caught up with the cops, he noticed it wasn't Crazy they were after, but a 1-foot-tall blob of urine with a piece of crap with a face on it floating inside its head.

[Cop: **You are completely surrounded! Come out with your turd up!**

The terrible turd-monger just leaped forward.

[Cop: So that's the way ya' want it, huh? Okay, guys! Ready... aim... **_FIRE_!**

The cops fired round after round at the evil pee-pee head, but to no avail...

[Cop: **Jumpin' gramma on a stick!** Our weapons are _useless_! Quickly, men! Run like scared babies!

As told, the cops ran away like scared babies while the Benny Hill theme majestically played from the heavens! ButtMunch was just about to leave when one of the cops grabbed him.

[Cop: ButtMunch the Stinkhound! Thank God you're here! Please help us defeat that thing!

[ButtMunch: What kinda' smack you _spewin'_, boy!? You think I gotta' damn _death wish_ or somethin'!?

Suddenly the Wizz Warlord spoke!

[Urine Monster: _(In a whispery-echoey voice)_ What are ya...? **_Chicken_?**

[ButtMunch: _(Stares at the monster through half-closed eyes and raises an eyebrow as if to say "You're an idiot.")_ ..._Nnnooo_... I'm a **Stinkhound**! Ya' see: Stinkhounds is furry and fat, while da chicken is-

[Feces Noggin: _(Smacks its forehead)_ I know that, you idiot! It's an expression for being cowardly!

[ButtMunch: _(Bats his hand dismissively._) Oh, well dat don't botha' me, cus I _is_ a coward!

[Poopoo Monkey: Oh _yeah_? Well... _(Anime sequence of the pee monster swinging his arm out. The scene plays three times, each time at a different camera angle. The third time, the camera circles completely around him and then the "ting" sound is heard as the light reflects off of his pointed "finger.")_ **Yo momma!**

[ButtMunch: **HONEY CHILE'!** Now, I'mo just _pre-TEND_ I didn't just hear you say dat!

[Piddle Puddle: You heard me, _bwah_! **_YO MOMMA!_**

[ButtMunch: Okay, dat's it boy! I'm gonna' bust you up fo' talkin' smack 'bout my momma!

[Y'know, it's really hard to come up with all these nicknames: _(Motions with his hands for ButtMunch to come on.) Bring it on tubby_...

Thus a battle ensued! Before ButtMunch could lay the smackdown on the pee demon, it jumped on a light pole.

[ButtMunch: Boy, you best be gettin' down from dere or I'll-

[Sinister Smack-Speaking Swizzle Spill: You'll **what**!?

[ButtMunch: _(Gets really sissy voice)_ I'll... I'll... _I'LL HARM YOU!! (Bats his hands around.)_

Suddenly, ButtMunch's fist shot upward, literally spring-loaded, up to the pee monster's turd. And with a swift pimp-slap, hit the turd, sending it and its urine host falling to the ground with a _splash_!

[ButtMunch: _ (Back to normal, cheesy ghetto accent.)-=phew=-_ Lawd o' **moicy**, dat battle took a lot outta' me!

ButtMunch started to walk off when all of a sudden the ground began to shake! Suddenly, the ground split! Then a large toilet rose from the crater. The quivering puddle of pee started to slither into the foreboding john. ButtMunch turned around just in time to notice the creature retreating.

[ButtMunch: Wait just a _damn_ second, _foo'_!

ButtMunch started to chase after it, but the creature had already entered the porcelain throne. And, mysteriously as it came, the toilet sank back into the ground and the crater closed back up. ButtMunch stood where the toilet once lay staring down at the small, remaining cracks in the pavement. Suddenly a shadowy image with a **HUGE** butt appeared on a building overhead.

[Guess Who: **You know nothing, foo'! That's Defication, the God of Swizzle! MWAHAHAHAHA** _-=cough, hack=-_**!!**


	2. TipToe Through the Tulips

Chapter 2  
**Tip-Toe Through the Tulips**

ButtMunch sat on a lawn chair next to the sewage treatment plant/summer resort spa's "pool." _(Makes ya' wonder what was in that pool don't it?)_ ButtMunch was just about to doze off, trying to forget the events of the previous night. Right before he went off into Lala-Land, he heard an airplane zooming about overhead.

[ButtMunch: De hell is dat!?!

ButtMunch looked up and saw his life-long "buddy" Billy B. Billingsworth, a.k.a. Toots the 3-Buttcheeked Skunk, going completely out of control! Which was normal, but this time his plane was going out of control! ButtMunch jumped up on his feet in shock.

[ButtMunch: **Da _hell_ you doin', Toots!? You gon' crash again, boy!!!** _(Pauses and looks around for a few moments, then adds disinterestedly.)_ ........Ah!

And like ButtMunch said, Toots crashed right in the beach!

[ButtMunch: _(Winces and covers his beady little eyes.)_ **Geez!** Dat can't be _**goo**foya'_! _(Goofoya': That means "good for you!" in ButtMunch language. Get used to seeing that. It's his patented catch phrase.) Damn_, Toots, how many times we gotta' do dis? _You_ get hurt and _I_ gotta' go save ya! I swea'h one of dese days you gonna' get hurt I ainta' gonna' go save you!! ...But today ain't 'dat day. **HOL' ON DERE TOOTS, I'MA COMMIN'!!**

ButtMunch dashed off at a surprisingly great speed towards Toots' landing sight! Now, retrieving Toots would have been an easy task, but seeing how the whole beach was filled with ButtMunch's arch nemesis' Dr. Rorumpnik's robot henchmen, like Kinkie the mentally-challenged primate, it was a tad more difficult! After dodging some of the many death traps, ButtMunch came across a very long bridge. ButtMunch strolled on it for a few minutes 'til suddenly a **GIANT** turd with a mind of its own burst through the bridge behind ButtMunch! _(Remember that the beach was right beside the sewage treatment plant, of course!)_ ButtMunch ran for his fat little life! Right when ButtMunch was just about to reach the end of the bridge, the giant aquatic turd collapsed due to lack of poo-water! ButtMunch looked over the turd's corpse.

[ButtMunch: Heh heh heh! I was too much for him!

ButtMunch pointed his chunky little fingers down at the turd.

[ButtMunch: And don't come back or you'll get worse, ya' hear!?

ButtMunch hopped off the bridge and came across a lighthouse.... **guarded by a guillotine!** That's right, a guillotine! ButtMunch knew he'd have to time his actions _just right_ to prevent from being cut through like butter by the blade of the guillotine! He sat watching its movement, up and down, over and over. Then, while the blade was still up, he dashed under it. Unfortunately, ButtMunch didn't run at just the right time and was cut in half by the guillotine! _(un)_Fortunately he wasn't killed, instead he just dropped all the _"magical rings"_ he was holding with him! ButtMunch pondered.

[ButtMunch: _Hmm..._ It appears dat dese here rings are some sorta' forcefield!

But before he could think any more, ButtMunch noticed that the rings apparently didn't like him and were disappearing! ButtMunch tried to get them back, but they had all disappeared before he had a chance! He was a bit angry but he kept on going. _(Luckily dodging the guillotine this time!)_ ButtMunch then literally ran up the lighthouse, quite confident that he wouldn't get hit until suddenly he was hit with one of Kinkie the Mentally-Challenged Primate's crap grenades! ButtMunch hurtled downward and the theory of "fat floats" didn't apply for him- _(Why not? No other laws of physics apply in his world.)_ -and he drowned like a rat! But, apparently, ButtMunch had more than just one life and he was transported back in front of the lighthouse! ButtMunch ran up it with no problem. So, long story short, ButtMunch did some more gravity-defying stunts 'til finally he found Toots, who was already fully conscious now and on his way back.

So, ButtMunch and Toots were together again. Unfortunately, they had to go back through the death traps to get back to Square Station! Let's just skip ahead, shall we? ButtMunch and Toots were now back at the sewage treatment plant.

[ButtMunch: Dammit, Toots, what was up witchu an' dat plane!? Did ya'll get in a fight with it _again_?

[Toots: _(Albino skunk that very closely resembles Tails, save for one skunk tail, three pink, bulbous IR Baboon-esque buttcheeks, a leather jacket, and red eyes.)_ **YES!!** But that's not all! I always thought that @#$*in' piece o' crap went too slow so I was tryin' to boost the damn thing's speed with this new fuel source I found! It was pretty experimental and it still had some bugs to work out; and while during a test flight, wouldn't ya' know it: **A RAT GOT STUCK IN THE ENGINE!!**

[ButtMunch: _DAMN_, **BOY!!** You was goin' light speed! What kinda' tripped out gas you usin'!?! ...An' how da hell did a rat get stuck in da plane's engine while it was in flight?

[Toots: ...Beats me, and it wasn't necessarily a gas as it is... **THIS!!**

Toots pulled out a red Chaos Chrystal.

[Toots: **_Mmeeeh!_**

ButtMunch stepped back in shock.

[ButtMunch: **_HOLY SHIT!!_** Dat's a **Chaos Chrystal!!**

[Toots: No _duh_, fatso! I just **_HAPPENED_** to find one of the _RARE_ and _ELUSIVE_ Chaos Chrystals one day! It's quite a rush when it's used for fuel!

[ButtMunch: Yeah well dat's great 'n' all, but just you just rememba' one thing... **_KEEP YO' DAMN ROBOT-BUILDIN' MITTS OFFA' MAH HOOPTIE!!!_**

[Toots: ..._Whatever_... Come on down to my workshop in the Ancient Ruins sometime, we'll talk business! Seeya!

And with that Toots buggered off towards the Ancient Ruins. _(That's all for today, my free-rotating skanky-boys! Stay tuned for Chapter 3! Or I'll come for you...)_


	3. There's An Elephant In My Pants!

_(Well, well, well, my little apple-fritters! It's time for yet another good old-fashioned chapter of ButtMunch the Stinkhound! This time, we actually get to see what goes on in the little diseased head of Billy -aka "Toots"-! Enjoy!)_

Chapter 3  
**There's An Elephant In My Pants!**

Toots made his way to his "workshop" which was really just an outhouse on top of a hill! As he buggered along, this thought crossed his mind.

[Toots: _...Wait a sec! ButtMunch doesn't know how to get to the Ancient Ruins! Maybe I should have told him! ... Aww, why the hell do I care!? He'll find it! Anyway, I've gotta' get to my work shop! I've gotta' get somethin' down on paper! Heh heh heh!!_

Toots _would_ have just continued to bugger off towards his workshop, but one obstacle stood in his way! ButtMunch and Toots' arch-enemy, Dr. Melvin Rorumpnik sat in his trusty Butt-o-Matic awaiting the skunk's arrival! _(The Butt-o-Matic looked a lot like Robotnik's Egg-o-Matic only with the addition of a big rosey BUTT on the front! Oh, and just so you know, Rorumpnik is what you get when you make Robotnik skinny with a giant butt, buggy eyes, and big goofy red clown lips! Oh, and don't forget his fish-tie and old "I like Ike!" button!)_

Toots stood glaring at his oppressor with true bloodlust in his rabid little eyes! How **dare** Rorumpnik come near his workshop! How **dare** Rorumpnik hover there patiently as if he hadn't done anything, though he had made the **biggest mistake of all**: Coming near Billy B. Billingsworth and his workshop!

[Toots: _What if Rorumpnik messed up something!? What if he touched Sarah!?! What if he looked at my PlayFurry stash with fake, horribly-forged Chyna porn in it!!?! **And my GOD do I have to crap!!!**_

As all this passed through his mind, Toots became increasingly angry! _(Especially since Rorumpnik was holding him back from his basic biological need to drop a load!)_ Just before Toots went in to make aggressive negotions with Dr. Rorumpnik, or... well... kill him, ButtMunch waddled in. Toots held out his hand to ButtMunch.

[Toots: Stand back, ButtMunch! I shall fight this menace alone!

[ButtMunch: Sure, knock yo'self out, brotha'! But what de hell is Buttman here fo' anyway!?

[Toots: ...Beats me! How did **YOU** get here!?

[ButtMunch: Oh well, I didn't exactly know how to get here so I talked to dis little ol' orb o' pure energy and she dun told me to take a train to dese here Ancient Ruins and here Ah be, _sucka_!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **Ahem!** Excuse me, "gentlemen," _and I use the term loosely_... but if you will allow me to explain.. **And DON'T call me Buttman!**

[ButtMunch: **Whateva'!** Just explain yo'self, _Biggins_!

Toots looked at ButtMunch in disgust as he always did.

[Toots: **_"Biggins"_?** _(Laugh/snort)_ You would know, _FATTY_!!

[ButtMunch: _(Frightening close-up of ButtMunch in which his face is covered with warts, zits, etc. Just use your imagination)_ **Shut yo' damn weasly mouth, _RAT_!!**

[Toots: _(**Really** frightening close-up of Toots with the warts and zits, also with a cobweb in one ear and a spider crawling on his head)_ **FINE! As long as you stop that fake ghetto accent!**

[ButtMunch: _(**INCREDIBLY** terrifying close-up, same as before, but now with evil glowing red eyes and a bulging vein in his forehead)_ **_IT AIN'T FAKE, BEE-YOTCH!!_**

Toots rolled his eyes.

[Toots: Yeah right!!

[ButtMunch: Well, at least _mah_ voice don't sound like a combination of rusty nails on a chalkboard and the moanin' of a _dyin' ferret_!!

[Toots: **Damn straight it is!** And don't you forget it!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **SHUT UP!!**

Both ButtMunch and Toots looked at Rorumpnik.

[ButtMunch: Jes' whut de _hell_ you want, Prof!?!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: I'm **_TRYING_** to tell you my **master** plan and I would like you two to at least **_attempt_** to pretend to be interested in it!

[ButtMunch: Oh, well, by all means go on, den, **"_MASTA_"!**

[Toots: _(Flailing his arms around in the air)_ Yeah! _Thou shalt have no other gods before Rorumpnik!_

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Exactly! Now _anyway_, as I was saying, I am here to-

[ButtMunch: Wait up! Lemme' guess! Ya'll afta' dem Chaos Chrystals, ain't ya'!?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **_WHAT!?!_** H-how did you--!?!

[ButtMunch: Oh gee, lemme guess, maybe cuz... **DAT'S WHATCHOO' _ALWAYS_ AFTA'!!**

[Toots: Yeah, it's not much of a surprise when ya' say yer after the Chaos Chrystals when that's all you _ever_ do!!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _(Whiney voice)_ Aw, come on, guys! I gots feelins! The Chaos Chrystals have **unlimited** powers! If I were to get all seven, I could easily conquer this world!

[ButtMunch: Yeah, well, prob'ly so, but you could at least try to to be mo' _original_ with it!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Well, how's about you give me all the Chrystals you have right now? That would make it more interesting!

[ButtMunch: No dice, Buttman!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _(Whines and pounds his fists on the side of his Butt-o-Matic)_ Aw come on! And stop calling me _thaaaaat_!!

[ButtMunch: Yeah, well still, you ain't gettin' dem Chaos Chrystals unlessen you pries 'em from my cold... dead... **WALLET**, FOO!!!

Rorumpnik whipped out a ridiculously large ray gun and pointed it at ButtMunch's chunky little face.

[ButtMunch: _(Puts one hand up to his cheek -the one on his face- and bats his other hand like a sissy)_ Oh lawdy, moicy! Ah'm so scared! Buttman's gonna' shoot me! **HA!** Like we ain't seen dis a million times!

[Toots: _Do it! **Do it!**_ Aim for the heart! If it's still even _functioning_ properly under all that **fat!**

[ButtMunch: Sorry, Toots, but it don't work right at all! Hasn't for 10 years!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **_SHUT UP!!!_** And unless you want to lose one of your eyes, _six of your pinkies_, and _four of your nostrils_, you'll stop calling me **_BUTTMAN!!!_**

[ButtMunch: Aw, is Buttman gonna' cry? Let's see you cry! Buttman's scared just like a televangelist! Dis is jes' **_TOO MUCH_!**

Butt- I mean Rorumpnik balled his hands into fists and put them in the air and roared like a wounded rhino as fire emitted from him! Which happened regularly due to the explosive flatulence of Rorumpnik's reinforced, mechanical butt; but today, that wasn't the case.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **THAT'S IT!!! I TOLD YOU TO STOP!!! NOW FEEL MY WRATH!!!!**

Rorumpnik pushed a button on the Butt-o-Matic that summoned a jet engine and two drills/rocket launchers to connect themselves to Rorumpnik's Butt-o-Matic. As Rorumpnik engaged in battle, ButtMunch gave a mighty-

[ButtMunch: EEP!

-And hid behind Billy. So Billy walked forward, swung a drunken punch, and... The grand new attachments on the Butt-o-Matic exploded. As the Butt-o-Matic fell smoking to the ground, ButtMunch stood up and looked down at Rorumpnik.

[ButtMunch: Heh! Yeah, sucka'! Take dat!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: B-b-bu-but, _how_!?! How could you defeat me so easily!?!

[ButtMunch: _DUH_! Cause you de villain! You _always_ lose!

Rorumpnik hung his head in shame.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _(sigh)_ I guess you're right...

All of a sudden, Rorumpnik reached into Toots' pocket and pulled out the Chaos Chrystal!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **YOINK!**

Suddenly, the Butt-o-Matic flew up and Rorumpnik showed his prize to ButtMunch and Toots!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: I can't **_believe_** that worked!

[ButtMunch: Me neitha'! I woulda' thought Toots woulda' bit yo' hands clean off!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Hmm, probably! Oh well, come on, Defication, time to eat!

[ButtMunch and Toots: _(Drawn really, really ugly, but humorously so -picture Ren-and-Stimpy characters-)_ **DEFICATION???**

Suddenly, the all-too-familiar blob of urine arose from the ground!

[ButtMunch: _(gasp)_ It's you!!

Defication was waiting impatiently for its food... or... whatever one-foot blobs of urine and crap eat.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Oh, so you've met Defication!? Well, feast your piggish ocular organs upon **this**!!

All of a sudden, Rorumpnik chucked the Chaos Chrystal at Defication!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _Yeah, dere ya' go, Mac!_

All of a sudden, the Chrystal fell into Defication and a bright flash of light burst forth from him! When the light faded, Defication stood before their astonished bloodshot eyes, but not as he had been, **NO!** He was now a foot taller and had a mechanical arm with the Chaos Chrystal fitted squarely in its palm.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Oh _sweet_! It's just as the plot point predicted! His strength increases everytime I feed him a Chaos Chrystal!

[ButtMunch: .....So?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Soooo, once he is at full power, I will **destroy** Square Station! And on its ruins, I will build Rorumpnik Land! **With _plenty_ of free parking!!!**

[Toots: _(gasp)_ **NO! NOT FREE PARKING!**

[ButtMunch: _(tsk)_ Oh well, I guess I'll just find anudda' vacation spot!

Suddenly, Defication looked at ButtMunch.

[Defication: Hey, _tubby_! Yo _momma's_ momma! Heheheh...

Defication then leaped on the Butt-o-Matic.

[ButtMunch: **_Why you dirty son of a_**... Well you really ain't anyone's son...

Suddenly, Rorumpnik started to leave! ButtMunch ran after him.

[ButtMunch: **WAIT!** I ain't done bad-moufin' you!! Getcho' non-existant li'l liquidy keista' back down hyeah!

Suddenly, Rorumpnik and Defication took off, but just before they left, ButtMunch heard Rorumpnik say-

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _Thanks for stoppin' by!_

-And then he blasted off! ButtMunch stood glaring at the direction that they went off.

[ButtMunch: Defication, you have just met yo'self a fierce enemy! I cannot wait 'til de day we meet on de battlefield, my friend!!

Suddenly, a flush was heard and Toots walked in holding a PlayFurry mag, toilet paper on his right shoe and also holding a blowup doll that was supposed to be a girl but looked nothing like it, with the word _"SARAH!"_ written on it.

[Toots: **Ah _man_, that felt good!** And lucky for that cheesecake Buttman, he didn't **touch** anything! But anyway, ButtMunch, this is more serious than we thought! If we don't act quickly, Square Station will become a... a... **TOURIST TRAP!!!**

ButtMunch threw his hands into the air and screamed!

[ButtMunch: **_NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!_** Hey wait a sec... Ain't it already one!?

[Toots: **SHUT UP!**

Aw... Kinda brings a tear to your eye don't it? 

_(Stay tuned for Chapter 4. If we're lucky and all believe, a magical new friend might come! Well, if a messed-up obsene slob is your idea of a friend... then you need help!)_


	4. Why Does the Sun Shine?

Chapter 4  
**Why Does the Sun Shine?**

There is total blackness, then we hear an old fart's voice.

[Geezer: How did I get in a stink hole like Pittsburgh? Well let me tell ya'!

A floating island appears with an incredibly large Chaos Chrystal with a small creature sleeping beside it. _(It looks like Knuckles the Echidna but really old, scrawny, and orange; and only 4 quills on his head due to "balding". Long, skinny arms that go past his knees and huge bulky two-fingered mitts. And let's not forget his "sexy" black underwear! This... was Knutz the Enema!)_

[Knutz _(voice over)_: Ever since I was born _(which was about the time **dirt** was invented!)_ I've been on this here floatin' island, protecting the Master Nut!

He was obviously referring to the giant Chaos Chrystal behind him which was clearly not a nut of any kind, but remember, Knutz was crazed with senility!

[Knutz _(voice over again, from now on I'm gonna' stop saying this over and over)_: I had already hit the hay-

Shows a clip of Knutz pounding the crap out of a bale of hay while "Turkey in the Straw" plays in the background.

[Knutz: -Then gone to sleep at my scheduled bed time of 6:00 pm! But, at around midnight, something strange happened!

We now see the Master "Nut" cracking! Suddenly, Knutz's eyes popped open.

[Knutz: I started to hear a loud cracking noice! And this time it wasn't my osteoporosis!!

Knutz turns around to see that the Master "Nut" is in tatters! Suddenly, it explodes and ol' Defication hopped out!

[Knutz: For once I _wasn't_ hallucinating! I actually saw an evil pee-pee monster!

[Knutz _(Not a voice over, but actually speaking)_: What the hell are you supposed to be!?!

[Defication: ...........

[Knutz: Say sumthin', ya' brat!

[Defication: ...........

Knutz pounded his fists together.

[Knutz: Okay then, ain't gonna' speak eh? Well I guess I'll have to beat your non-existant little pissy ass!

Knutz charged forward and slugged Defication right in the "gut". But unfortunately, his fist just went straight through him! Defication glared down at Knutz, then grabbed the old fool by the dome and slung him about 10 yards away! Knutz rubbed his head.

[Knutz: Dammit that hurt, ya' brat!

Knutz got up.

[Knutz: Okay, okay, now you're gonna' get it!

Knutz ran forward, flailing his mitts in a windmill fashion. Sudddenly, Defication disappeared in a flash of light! After this, Knutz' floating island, Senility Isle, started vibrating.

[Knutz: Oh **shit**! Without the Master Nut, Senility Isle won't float!

Suddenly, Senility Isle plummeted like a rock, then suddenly stopped, repositioned itself, and landed perfectly right beside Pittsburgh! _(Causing a tidal wave that wiped out half the population, but no one really cared since it was Pittsburgh, after all)_

[Knutz _(voice over again)_: And that's how I got here! Lucky for me all the shattered pieces of the Master Nut _conveniently_ landed safely here in Pittsburgh! And it's up to me to get them back! But for now...

We see Knutz at a Taco Bell!

[Knutz: I'd like some _nuts_, a _cheeseburger **without cheese**_, and a **Pepsi**! And don't gimme' no diet crap!

[Pimply teen: Hey, you old geez! This is Taco Bell we don't serve nuts or burgers here!

[Knutz: **Shut your oily face and make me some grub, ya' brat!!**

[Pimply teen: **Like _hell_ I will! All you furries are the same! You all think you run the world!**

[Knutz: Yep, pretty much. Now make with the junk food ya' bastard!

Knutz is now kicked out of Taco Bell. Knutz looks back at it!

[Knutz: You may have won the _battle_, but the _war's_ not over yet... _**Taco Bell!!!**_


	5. Fish Heads, Fish Heads, RolyPoly Fish He...

Chapter 5  
**Fish Heads, Fish Heads, Roly-Poly Fish Heads**

ButtMunch and Toots walked out of the Square Station train station _(Repetitive huh?)_. ButtMunch was tossing around their latest find: The purple Chaos Chrystal! ButtMunch looked up at the sky and saw that it was almost night.

[ButtMunch: Well, it's almost night time... So what we gonna' do, dawg?

[Toots: How the hell should I know!?! And **DON'T** call me _DAWG_!

[ButtMunch: Hmm... Well de casino don't open 'till about few mo' hours so, to kill some time, I think we should...

[Toots: _-=gasp=- You mean!?!_

[ButtMunch: Yep!

[ButtMunch and Toots: _-=grinning like maniacs at each other=-_ **LET'S GO PLAY IN THE SEWER!!!**

And with that, ButtMunch and Toots dashed madly to the other side of Square Station and hopped inside a man hole!

[ButtMunch: Woo baby!

[Toots: SEWERS ROCK!!!

ButtMunch and Toots fell down in the sewers and commenced to act like total idiots! This lasted for hours! Toots claimed he found a band of mutant turtles wearing bandanas, and ate them! After about 8 hours, ButtMunch looked at his watch that only appeared for humorous effect. When ButtMunch saw the time, he put his hand up to his fat little cheek _(You decide which one!)_ in a **very** sissified manner.

[ButtMunch: Oh _lawd-o-moicy_, look at de time, we gots ta' go!!

As ButtMunch and Toots left, they just _happened_ to find a pair of shoes called the Warp Speed Shoes that just _happened_ to fit ButtMunch perfectly! The Warp Speed Shoes just _coincidentally_ had the power to let ButtMunch run up rings at Warp Speed!

To get to the casino, ButtMunch had to go past a hotel. ButtMunch made this his opportunity to steal the little chocolate mints off of the hotel pillows. While on his raid, he just _happened_ to find a giant ring that could only fit on his wrist! This was the Emerald Ring which allowed ButtMunch to spend less time charging up his warp speed dash! After getting his mints, ButtMunch ran off towards the casino.

Toots wanted to stay and go to the Ciao Garden that was located in the top floor of the hotel to abuse the little creatures! ButtMunch would have let him and probably would have even done the same, but informed him that the casino had just gotten a new stripper and they needed to get there as fast as possible! Toots agreed! They reached the casino within about two seconds. When they reached the casino, Toots stopped dead in his tracks as ButtMunch stopped to gaze at the glorious casino!

[ButtMunch: Ahh... "Rots-O-Ruck"! The world's biggest gatherin' o' Japs since Japan its own self!

[Toots: R-Ro-Rots-O-Ruck!? Oh! Uh... y-you didn't tell me we were going **here**!

[ButtMunch: Well duh, we're goin' here! Dis is de only casino in town! Where 'de hell else would we go!?

[Toots: Uh we-well I can't go in there!

[ButtMunch: Why not!?!

[Toots: Well ya' know how there's all those damn **_Japs_** in Rots-O-Ruck, right?

[ButtMunch: Duh, that's what I just said! An' besides, it's a casino! Dem Japs love bright lights an' losin' money!

[Toots: Well ya' know how much I **hate** Japs! I went in there one day, just to beat some up! And all of a sudden, they all got **_mad_** at me and started _bitchin'_ about somethin' in _**Jap**-talk!_ I don't know what the big deal was, I only killed _three_ of 'em!

[ButtMunch: Well, I guess you gonna' have to stay out here while I have all de fun!

[Toots: _Whatever_, I'm just gonna' hang out at my pad for a while, seeya'!

And with that, Toots hopped into a man hole just outside of Rots-O-Ruck while ButtMunch walked towards the entrance of the casino. Unfortunately for ButtMunch, some jackass had sealed the door to Rots-O-Ruck, making entry impossible! Fortunately, though, the way to open the door again was to perform a Warpspeed Dash on a row of rings and smash face-first into a huge yellow button!

Good thing ButtMunch just happened to get those shoes before he went there!

With the door now open, ButtMunch buggered on inside. Inside it was a winter wonderland... Okay, minus the snow! ButtMunch had a grand old time losing money, making deals with the Japanese mafia, singin' his heart out at the karaoke stand _(God help us all!)_, and watching strippers!

All was well until ButtMunch made one fatal flaw! ButtMunch attempted playing one of the pinball games! After beating the game and not making 100 bucks, ButtMunch was thrown head first into the sewer! Unfortunately, the part of the sewer he landed in was Toots' house which was a **HUGE** mansion made completely out of garbage and crap _(Literally)_!

ButtMunch couldn't stay long because we all know that coming anywhere near Toots and his stuff is just asking for the death penalty! So, ButtMunch had to run as fast as his fat little legs could take him _(Which was actually incredibly fast!)_ After many a death threat from Toots and some running about, ButtMunch finally escaped!

_(Though he was almost killed by Toots who had every intent to do so!)_

When ButtMunch got back into Rots-O-Ruck, he ran into a large room filled with money and stole the special prize which just happened to be the silver Chaos Chrystal! Lots of coincidences, eh?

ButtMunch ran out of Rots-O-Ruck while being chased in hot pursuit of thousands of mad Japs, who were angry that HE had won a shiney object and not them! Once ButtMunch got outside, Toots crawled out of the man hole with a knife in his hand and bloodlust in his eyes! Just as Toots and the Japs were about to kill our tub of lard, the all-too-familiar mechanical assed villain Dr. Rorumpnik came! Upon sight of this, the Japs retreated back into Rots-O-Ruck and Toots threw the knife behind him hitting someone who gave a loud screech when hit!

Before our "heroes" were ready to attack their fat-assed oppresser, Dr. Rorumpnik careened into them, knocking the silver Chaos Chrystal out of ButtMunch's hand! Rorumpnik picked it up as ButtMunch and Toots ran towards him to get it back. Rorumpnik didn't even blink. He just smirked, looked back and let fly the juiciest ripper this world has ever seen!!

Now, ButtMunch and Toots have smelled their share of rainky-stainkies, but this was even too much for _them_! It was so bad that it killed innocent bystanders, shattered windows, made car alarms go off while peeling the paint off, and melted small buildings! Not collapse, melt! Luckily for our heroes, they were about just as smelly and just passed out on the road!

The next morning, ButtMunch and Toots got up dizzily.

[Toots: Ugh... what a rush!

[ButtMunch: Tell me about it!

[Toots: So what happened to that Chaos Chrystal?

[ButtMunch: _-=sigh=-_ Buttman's got it now! You know Toots I've been thinkin' why do we even botha' to try and get the Chaos Chrystals? I mean as soon as we get one, Buttman takes it away from us, we're practically givin' 'em to 'im!

[Toots: **DON'T SAY THAT!!!** It's that kind of attitude that **breeds** losers!! And, besides, if we don't go after 'im, it'll be a really short game!

[ButtMunch: _-=gasp=-_ **YO' RIGHT, TOOTS!!!** Come! Let us go and retrieve the remaining Chaos Chrystals and save de woild!!

_(Just a reminder: The author does not hate Japanese people! In fact the author is not racist in any way! Toots is the one who hates Japs, not me!!)_


	6. I want Meow Mix, please deliver

Chapter 6  
**I Want Meow-Mix! Please Deliver!**

In the middle of the forest, a large creature slept. In the midst of its loud snoring, something stirred. A smaller creature stood up to reveal itself: A 6 inch long turd with a face and a mind of its own! The turd looked around, then saw something interesting. _(Even more interesting than a living turd!)_ It saw a large puddle of pee on the ground and it appeared to be breathing! _(Oh we all who it is.)_ The turd suddenly gained a demonic smile and hopped toward the urine with an audible splash. The large snoring creature awoke. The creature was a giant butt with Big the Cat's head and a giant human ear on each butt-cheek! Yep, you heard me right! And to top it off, it also wore a Santa Claus hat for no reason! This thing was Sal U. Lite the Buttcheez. Sal got up and stretched _(don't ask how)_ then looked around.

[Sal: _(Mickey Mouse voice)_ Poopy, is that you?

Sal looked down and saw his good friend Poopy floating inside the head of Defication and grinning madly.

[Sal: Why, Poopy! You did buy that suit after all!

Suddenly, Defication narrowed his eyes then shot his arm out and grabbed the yellow Chaos Chrystal that sat beside Sal on a little table.

[Sal: Hey that's my lucky charm! _(Sal turned to the audience) (In an Irish accent.)_ Aiye! Everyone's after me lucky charms!

After that, Defication turned around with the Chaos Chrystal still in claw, then in a split-second teleported away.

[Sal: Hey, that's mine! Come back here! Something is wrong with Poopy today! He never would have taken my charm...

Sal grabbed a fishing pole from behind him.

[Sal: I've got to get him and my charm back! _By any means necessary_...


	7. Kevin McDonald Sees All!

Chapter 7  
**Kevin McDonald Sees All!**

It was dark... Very dark... Very, _very_, dark... Okay that's too dark! Just very dark will do! ...That's better. Suddenly, the lights came on. In a light blue-ish haze, the area is surveyed. Suddenly, the camera shows the hideous mug of Dr. Rorumpnik!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: So, _finally_ awake, are we? Welcome to life, G7AY...

Rorumpnik looks up at his latest creation: G7AY. At the same time, G7AY looked at himself _(G7AY resembled E-102 "Gamma" only in the arms and legs. His feet looked more like square slabs of purple clay and his head looked like Robo's from Chrono Trigger. His body resembled a ball with its code number written on it. Atop his head lay a glass dome with a stupid open-mouthed, buggy-eyed cartoon face drawn on it. To top this off, his torso, legs, and arms were all pink and his hand, gun, feet and head were purple!)_

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _Ugh, that was a really shmultzy line wasn't it?_ Oh well...

Rorumpnik turned around and looked up into the blue eyes/light bulbs of his creation.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Hmm... Baby's got blue eyes huh? Haha! _-=sighs wistfully and shakes his head=-_ Elton John... Ah... good times... _-=snaps out of it=-_ Anyway, I need you to do something, G7AY! To be accepted into my automaton army of evil, you must pass this test!

[G7AY: Sthure what isth it?

Rorumpnik flinched being a bit, disturbed by his new droid's lisp.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Uh... Follow me!

With that, Rorumpnik buggered off as G7AY followed. Rorumpnik stopped at a large door and opened it.

[Dr. Rorumpink: You must go through here and shoot any target you see, but the main target you must get is the ButtMunch target. I'll test your conduct and if you do good, you pass! If you don't, I'll tear you apart and sell your pieces for comic books! So, in ya' go!

And with that, Rorumpnik kicked G7AY into the door. G7AY got up and dusted himself off. G7AY saw the test ahead. Ahead of him lay hundreds of traps, passages, and Toots- and Knutz-themed targets.

[G7AY: _Hmm_... Looksth tough... _-=bats his wrist and turns around=-_ Well, sthcrew thisth, I'm leavin'!

As G7AY left, he saw Dr. Rorumpnik standing beside the door with his arms folded.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: So, did you shoot the ButtMunch target?

[G7AY: I thought you watching?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: So I lied! Did ya' shoot it?

[G7AY: Hmm... No!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Meh, good enough! Alright, for your second test, go beat up your older brother!

[G7AY: Why?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Because I said so! **Don't ask questions!**

With that, G7AY walked down some stairs to a small circular room where his "older brother" _-who basically looked like him only a bit more like a prototype, and with 2 gun arms-_ awaited.

[G7AY: _Sthayyyyyy_... you're one hot tamalé!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **Ugh!!** Don't _say_ that! Not only is it wrong, but he's your **brother** for cryin' out loud!!

[G7AY: _Stho!?_ He'sth **sthtill** a hottie!

[G6AY: **Beedi beedi beedi! Wanna' dance... Buck?**

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _(In thought.)_ I thought the lisp was just a mere coincidence, but now I know...... _-=whines=- **AH DUN BUILTS ME A GAY ROBOT!!!!**_

[G7AY: Hey Doc, what'sth wrong?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: You! I... I mean nothing! Start fighting!

[G6AY: **All your base are belong to us!!**

With that, G6AY zoomed forward as G7AY jumped out of the way. And almost in a second, G6AY slammed face-first into the cold, hard, metal wall! Thus ending the battle and claiming G7AY the victor!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _-=throws his hands into the air=-_ Welcome aboard, Chumley!


	8. Come On! Try It! It Can't Hurt!

Chapter 8  
**Come On! Try It! It Can't Hurt!!!**

G7AY stood before Rorumpnik with his fellow droids. _(Who, thankfully, were **not** gay!)_ Rorumpnik stood before them.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: You, my mechanical minions, are the best soldiers the Rorumpnik Empire has to offer! _(Points at them.) Gooood_ for you.

G7AY looked down the line of robots and read their code numbers: G8AY, G9AY, and G10AY. G7AY raised his hand.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Yes, G7AY?

[G7AY: Um.... Where'sth uh... Well, whatever happened to G5, 4, 3, 2, and 1AY?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _Well... they were never made!_ Now DON'T ask questions! Now, down to business! You all have a _very_ important mission! ... Gentlemen ... Look, and **BEHOLD!!**

Suddenly, a screen lowered down from the ceiling, and on the screen appeared Poopy!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: A living turd!!

[G7AY: _(Heard, but not seen.) Oh that'sth nasthty!_

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Exactly! Now, you all must find and capture this turd. We have a very important meeting to attend to! ...and he owes me five bucks!

G7AY raised his hand again.

[G7AY: Um, um, sthir! How exthactly are we all sthupposed to catch that thing?

Rorumpnik pointed straight at G7AY

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **_WHAT_** did I tell you about asking questions!?! Now, go and get me that turd!!

With that, the G-AY series marched off. All of the droids went to different locations and G7AY was just conveniently assigned to Square Station! G7AY looked around.

[G7AY: I don't care what anyone thinksth. I am _NOT_ gonna' go around looking for a turd and that'sth _final_! Thosthe guysth can do whatever they want! I'm goin' home!

With that, G7AY turned around and marched off towards the train station. Suddenly, G7AY felt something smushy on his foot and a loud squish was heard. G7AY looked at his foot and saw a large brown lump grounded into his foot!

[G7AY: _Eew!_... Oh well... I'll give it to the Doc!

All of a sudden, a small pink orb of pure energy flew up to G7AY, and suddenly everything disappeared! G7AY looked around and saw that he was now in front of a large shrine in the middle of nowhere!

[G7AY: _Where the hell am I!?!_

G7AY looked around then shrugged and walked forward. In front of the shrine, he saw a bunch of cute little blue, big-headed creatures with little antennae that resembled atoms. The little creatures sang happily and G7AY walked closer, suddenly someone shouted.

[????: **STOP!!**

A young Enema girl ran towards G7AY _(She resembled Knutz with brown fur, had more quills, and was, of course, a woman and as of right now we are unable to see her face.)_

[Enema chick: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were one of them!

G7AY looked down at the girl.

[G7AY: One of who? _(Close-up)_ Who are you? _(Even closer.)_ What are thesthe thingsth? _(Closer still... And sounding somewhat worried.)_ Where am I!? _(Camera pulls back as he throws his hands into the air and screams in confused fear.) **WHY DO FOOLSTH FALL IN LOVE!?!**_

[Enema chick: My name is Emo and I'm the princess of the Enemas. These little guys are the Ciao. In the meantime, they are safe and guarded by their protector, Defication: Guardian of the Chaos Chrystals. Defication is a kind and gentle being, albeit made of urine...

G7AY thought to himself.

[G7AY _(in thought:)_ Defication? Didn't I hear Dr. Rorumpnik talking about him? ...

[Emo: But sadly, my father plans to come and steal the Chrystals and rule everything! He says it's for the benefit of all the Enemas, but I think it's a load of crap! I fear that if he takes the Chrystals, something _horrible_ will happen! I've tried to reason with him, but the old fool won't listen to a word ya' tell 'im! _(Sighs and clutches her hands dramatically over her chest.)_ I hope someday he'll understand...

[G7AY: Hmm... Yep, well kinda' looksth like you're sthcrewed there, kid!

And with that, G7AY disappeared and came back to Square Station!

[G7AY: Well, that wasth queer... Sthomethin' about the Chaosth Chrysthtal and a guy made o' pee... Oh well, sthomethingsth never get explained. I'm leavin'! 

And with that, G7AY walked off. When G7AY reached the base, he saw all of the other G-AYs bitching about which turd was the real one. All of a sudden, Rorumpnik walked in, looked at their captures, and became quite angry!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _Grr_... No, no, **no**! You idiots!! Does that even look like the turd!?! I gave you an exact photo of it! It was neither yellow _NOR_ green!!!

[G10AY: What about mine, sir?

Dr. Rorumpnik looked at G10AY's, narrowed his eyes and looked back at him.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: That's a Nestle's Crunch™ bar...

[G10AY: ... Oh.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Well, G7AY I don't suppose you got anything...?

[G7AY: Hmm... Well I did get thisth!

G7AY ripped the feces off of his foot and gave it to Rorumpnik.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **That's it!**

Dr. Rorumpnik glared at his minions.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: You see? G7AY has taught us all a valuble lesson today!

[G7AY: What lessthon isth that?

[Dr.Rorumpnik: **SHUT-UP!!** Now, as for the rest of you...

Rorumpnik hit a button on a large control deck.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Get outta' my face!

All of a sudden a large green beam shot down on the robots and teleported them away!

[G7AY: Oh that'sth great! Now you're gonna' have to build a whole new army of thosthe guysth!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Eh, don't worry. Your design's quite easy to make, actually. But anyway... So, Poopy, how ya' been, man!?

[Poopy: Oh, not bad. You?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Not bad. Tryin' to rule the world, ya' know, the usual!

[Poopy: Yep! Man, how long has it been? We haven't seen each other since college!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Tell me about it! Hey remember when we rolled the dean's office?

[Poopy: Yeah... Man he was so pissed!

[G7AY: Wait a minute!

[Dr. Rorumpnik and Poopy: Yes?

[G7AY: You two went to college together? How isth that possthible?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: What? What's so odd about me going to college with a turd?

[G7AY: Well it _ISTH_ kinda' odd...

Dr. Rorumpnik: Yeah, well why are you gay, huh? Why is anything what it is!?

[Poopy: Yeah, you got somethin' against turds, buddy!?!

[G7AY: Well--

[Poopy: Hey, why don't I go over there and beatchoo' up!? **How would ya' like that, huh!?**

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Yeah, G7AY, just go and eat _food_ or something! Me and Poopy have some childhood memories and plans for world domination to share!

[G7AY: Okay...

With that, G7AY walked off as Rorumpnik and Poopy remembered the time Poopy accidentally got flushed.


	9. Send in the Klowns!

Chapter 9  
**Send in the Klowns**

Knutz the Enema walked through Square Station, holding his newfound prize of three Master Nut shards which he just happened to find in city hall. Knutz looked up at the sky and saw that it was nearly night.

[Knutz: Nearly night, huh?... Hehehe, great! That casino should be open now! Hehehehe....

With that, the old codger ran off towards Rots-o-Ruck. But, of course, by the time Knutz reached the casino, it had been sealed shut and the only way of entering would be to slam into a giant yellow button above the doors! Let's just skip along, shall we? As Knutz entered, he started to pick up a faint signal from the Master Nut.

[Knutz: Aw, man, why did the Master Nut shards have to go _here_!? I just wanted to do a little bit a sinnin' is all! Not look for more shards! Oh well I guess I gots to... But first! **TO THE SINNIN'!!!**

With that, Knutz proceded to gamble and ogle at floozies undressing themselves for filthy bums' Enjoyment! After his feeble old eyes had pretty much had all they could stand of watching strippers all night, and he had lost all his money, Knutz decided to find the scattered "nut" pieces. I mean why not? He **HAD** to! Not to mention that chrystal signal can get REALLY annoying! _(BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEBEBEBE**BEEEEP**!)_

After about an hour of searching through tedius mazes and that incredibly annoying ringing, Knutz found the three hidden Master Nut pieces in Rots-o-Ruck. As soon as he stepped one foot outside of Rots-o-Ruck, Knutz was transported to the magical dreamworld that G7AY was taken to in Chapter 8.

[Knutz: **AAAHHH!!! Is this a beautiful dream or a horrible nightmare!?!**

As Knutz transported into a large Aztec city, he looked around, confused.

[Knutz: Oh boy, I must be high again, better lay off that "special" Pepsi Blue from now on...

As Knutz stumbled into the outskirts of the city, he saw Emo and a large royal-looking Enema arguing about something or other.

[Emo: No, father! I won't let you do this! Stop it!

[Enema King: You don't understand, Emo! We must do this!

[Emo: And why is that!?!

[Enema King: We need those Chaos Chrystals for the good of the people!

[Emo: And, of course, logically, the _best_ way to get them is by killing and starting wars?

[Enema King: Alright, little lady! That goes on your perminant sass record!

All of a sudden, Knutz was transported back to Pittsburgh.

[Knutz: _What the hell was that!?!_ It was like someone was trying to tell me something! ...either that or I was right the first time and I'm just high again!

--------  
End of Chapter 9. I can't think of anything funny to say here.


	10. Frumpy Jack Will Spin No More!

Chapter 10  
**Frumpy Jack Shall Spin No More!**

ButtMunch and Toots wandered through a large tunnel in the Ancient Ruins until they came upon a large frozen door. ButtMunch unlocked the door with a strange key that he just happened to find in Square Station. As the gateway opened, it revealed a huge, completely snowed-over Arctic... like... region.

[ButtMunch: **WOW!** It's a winta' wonda'land!

[Toots: Winter wonderland my three-cheeked ass! Come on, lets go!

With that, ButtMunch and Toots took off into the large snowy death trap. After about an hour of beating up annoying robots, running about aimlessly, and dying A LOT, The two morons reached the halfway marker.

[ButtMunch: _-=phew=-_ Dat was fun!

Toots stood glaring at ButtMunch, with a spike gouging straight through his back and out his stomach.

[Toots: Yeah, if your idea of fun is being _galled by a spike_!

ButtMunch turned around and saw a snowboard sitting in the middle of nowhere for no reason at all!

[ButtMunch: Ooh, a snowboa'd! Lemme' at it!

ButtMunch hopped on top of it, making the earth shake uncontrollably, and causing an avalanche to fall and engulf Toots.

[ButtMunch: Aw shit! Not again!

With that, ButtMunch boarded down the summit while being chased by an "enraged" avalanche. After a while of boarding and crap, ButtMunch unfortunately got away and he just happened to find the green Chaos Chrystal at the bottom of the summit!

As soon as ButtMunch grabbed the jewel, he was transported out of the level and back into the Ancient Ruins along with Toots.

ButtMunch looked down at Toots, who was once again glaring evilly back at him.

[ButtMunch: Hey, sorry 'bout leavin' ya'll back dere 'n all!

Toots calmly flipped ButtMunch the bird.

[ButtMunch: Haha.. Right back atcha', pal!

With that, ButtMunch and Toots walked off until suddenly Knutz ran in!

[Knutz: Get yer terrifying demon monkeys!!

Knutz ran past ButtMunch and Toots, then skidded to a halt.

[ButtMunch: What de hell's yo' beef?

[Knutz: Don't gimme' none of that, ya' brat! Rorumpnik told me all about you and the Master Nut!

[ButtMunch: De hell you talkin' 'bout, old tima'!?

[Knutz: We conveniently skipped by that part in Chapter 9... Well, ya' see, I met Buttman in Square Station and he told me that you were takin' all the Master Nut pieces for your own self!

[ButtMunch: And, of course, you believed him!

[Knutz: **'Course I did!**

[Toots: Hey Gramps, Buttman was half-right. ButtMunch isn't taking the nut pieces... **I AM!!**

Toots pulled 6 little green "nut" shards out of his pocket. Knutz promptly slugged Toots out! Knutz picked up the shards just as Dr. Rorumpnik careened into him.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: **_How'm I doin'!?_** Rorumpnik turned around to face ButtMunch, Toots, and Knutz.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Just thought I'd check up on ya' and make your life a living Hell, so...

Rorumpnik then slammed into ButtMunch, causing him to drop the two Chaos Chrystals he was holding. Rorumpnik then shot a tractor beam down on the Chrystals and "abducted" them.

[Dr. Rorumpik: Ha! You really are idiots aren't you? HEY DEFICATION!! **COME OVER HERE!!!**

Suddenly, Defication rose up from the ground. He was now three feet tall and had two mechanical arms. Rorumpnik then tossed the 2 Chrystals at Defication, causing the monster to turn into a shark-like creature after eating them.

[ButtMunch: Holy bejesus!!

Knutz looked around worridly.

[Knutz: Uh... uh... You didn't see nuthin'!

With that, Knutz buggered off. It was up to ButtMunch and Toots to beat it.

[ButtMunch: Awright buddy, I'mo trash yo' ass!

[Toots: Whatever...

With that, the fat little bugger leaped into battle with the Swizzle Miser. Toots heroically stood there and did nothing. After getting his own butt handed back to him, ButtMunch then poked Defication in the eyes rendering him blind. ButtMunch gave Defication a taste of the awful, insidious... FLYING BUTT PLYERS!!! ButtMunch leapt into the air and caught Defication between his buttcheeks, then shot him back down to Earth where he was left motionless.

[ButtMunch: Dat's right, boy! I trashed dat watery ass! An' don't come back, less you get worse!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _Aw geez_...

Suddenly a phone rang. Rorumpnik picked it up.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Yo, talk to me!

[G7AY: _-=sounding like a little kid=-_ Rorumpnik! We were watching TV... and we all found a show we liked... and... and G8AY changed the channel!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: _-=sigh=-_ Look, ButtMunch, sorry I can't stay and kill ya', but I gotta' do somethin'.

[ButtMunch: Oh, by all means, go ahead!

Suddenly a huge ship flew in.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, this is my airship thingy, the Fiber Carrier! It's really quite cool! Well, gotta' go!

Suddenly a tractor beam shot from the Fiber Carrier, which transported Rorumpnik and Defication up to it. ButtMunch and Toots stod silent for a bit.

[Toots: So.... Wanna' go torture Buttman some more!?

[ButtMunch: Sho' 'nuff!


	11. There Is No Spoon!

Chapter 11  
**There Is No Spoon!!**

Sal U. Lite prowled about a large amusement park, still in search of his dear friend Poopy; for, as we all know, an amusement park is the best place to search for a living turd! Sal kept searching for his friend until he just conveniently found a small pool thingy smack-dab in the middle of the park!

[Sal U. Lite: Poopy must be here!

So with that, Sal pulled out his potty-fishin' pole out of literally nowhere and started fishin'. After a few hours, Sal hooked himself a turd! Not just any turd, though! It was Poopy, of course! After what seemed like 9 years, Sal finally pulled the little feces bugger outta' the water.

[Sal U. Lite: Ah, Poopy! There you are! Do you know how long I have been looking for you?

[Poopy: Get away from me, ya' _freak_! I'm workin' for Rorumpnik now!

[Sal U. Lite: Poopy, what are you saying!?

[Poopy: I no longer need you, _fool_! **Be gone!**

[Sal U. Lite: Poopy, you're out of your mind!

(By now, I've lost all my sane readers...)

[Poopy: You heard me! Now leave me alone!

With that, the turd hopped away, giving what he _thought_ would be his final words to Sal.

[Poopy: **Kiss my corns goodbye!**

(Okay, even I'm disgusted now... Well, not really.)

Sal sat as well as a creature with only a butt for a body could, and thought.

[Sal U. Lite: _(in thought)_ What's wrong with Poopy? He never acted this way before... Someone must have brain-washed him!

Sal suddenly "stood up".

[Sal U. Lite: I must go save Poopy!

(Ok it was short, but I had to get this one done. I was really behind... The next one will be longer though! Or maybe it won't, huh? How'dya like that huh!? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Ok I'm done now...) 


	12. This Chapter Took WAY Too Long To Be Mad...

Before you read this chapter, I have something I need to say. I have received many reviews from people who have either not understood this story or thought it was too gross. Well, I am here to tell you all to GET BENT! How can you _not_ understand a story like this, anyway!? I mean it's a parody of Sonic the Hedgehog made for the sole purpose of being offensive! It's supposed to be gross! It's pretty easy to understand! And for all of you who think it isn't offensive enough, let me list off all the things that are offensive in this story: ButtMunch is mocking everyone from the ghetto, Rots-o-Ruck mocks everything that IS Japanese, Toots mocks everything in the world, Knutz mocks old people, the countless butt jokes, get it!?! Need I go on!?! So quit complainin'! If ya' don't like the story stop reading it, and if you like it... thank you... I take pleasure in my filth! Ok, I'm done, read on.  
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Chapter 12  
**This Chapter Took WAY Too Long To Be Made**

As ButtMunch and Toots raced towards Toot's "workshop," Toots suddenly stopped.

[Toots: Wait a second! I need to do something!

ButtMunch waited as Toots walked into his workshop. After about an hour-long wait, a flush was heard from the workshop and Toots came buggering out with a piece of toilet paper stuck to his boot. _(By the way, don't ask how there was a flush... Ya' know... It being an outhouse and all.)_

[Toots: Ok...

[ButtMunch: Well?

[Toots: Well _what_!?

[ButtMunch: Where de hell's dat damn plane you was jibba-jabberin' about!?!

[Toots: **Oh, that!**

Toots suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out a small remote control. He then mashed the button on it with all his force, thus summoning an airplane to come, bursting out of the ground followed by an air strip that extended out of nowhere just as the plane did. ButtMunch's piggy little eyes popped open as he took a step backwards.

[ButtMunch: Holy _shit_!

Toots looked at ButtMunch.

[Toots: What!?! It's just a damn airplane!

[ButtMunch: That wasn't what surprised me, ya' damn foo'!! I was just wonderin' where de hell all dat came from!

[Toots: ...Oh... Well what the hell are ya' waiting for!? Get in the damn plane!!

[ButtMunch: Dammit boy, whatchu' talkin' 'bout!?! I don't know how to fly dat damn piece o' shit!

Toots slapped his forehead.

[Toots: Dammit, I gotta' **spoon-feed** you, ya' little retard! Okay... Stand on top of the plane and _I'll_ fly the damn thing!

[ButtMunch: Okay!

ButtMunch jumped on the back of the plane and crushed, it due to his immense weight. Toots jumped into the cockpit and started up the engine. After making a terrible screeching sound, thanks to ButtMunch's added weight on the thing, the plane took off into the sky. After a while, ButtMunch and Toots came upon Rorumpnik's giant airship _(which was mentioned in chapter 10, but I was too lazy to go back and check its name)_. Just as the two drew closer to the gigantic ship, a large butt-shaped object in the back opened up!

[ButtMunch: **_MIGHTY FU--_**

Before ButtMunch could finish his wise statement, the giant ass-cannon fired out a tremendous fart, followed by a giant green beam which blew Toots' plane to smithereens!

[Toots: Oh _that_ worked well!! Got any other bright ideas, ya' fat bastard!?!

That said, ButtMunch and Toots plummeted down to Earth. When they finally made impact, ButtMunch fell face first into the scummy water of the sewage treatment plant! ButtMunch got up and wiped the crap from his face, then looked around and noticed that Toots was gone!

[ButtMunch: God dammit where de hell did dat damn Toots go!? Man, we've been sayin' de word "damn" a lot lately... Well, I guess I gotta' go find de little bastard, and when I do I'm gonna' bust a cap in his little 3 cheeked ass!

ButtMunch looked up and noticed that a little girl was standing there for absolutely NO REASON!!

[ButtMunch: What de hell you doin' here ya' little bitch!?!

With that, ButtMunch punched out the little girl, knocking her out completely! With that done, ButtMunch ran off into Square Station. After a few minutes of running about aimlessly in a failed attempt to find Toots, ButtMunch gave up and started looking for something to eat. Just as he was about to turn around, however, ButtMunch felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. This was probably because someone had just jammed an axe in it.

ButtMunch turned around to see who the damn foo' was responsible, and it was none other than Crazy Ho, his "girlfriend", or so he said...

[ButtMunch: Well if it ain't my ole' bitch, Crazy Ho! How's it goin' ya' ole' bitch!?!

ButtMunch grinned stupidly at Crazy, who was a scary stinkhound-like thing wearing a barrel, with no neck, terrifying evil eyes, and a broken handcuff on her right arm!

[Crazy: _(In a deep man's voice, think Coach McGuirk from "Home Movies")_ I am **NOT** your bitch by any stretch of the imagination, shit-head! I thought jamming my axe in your head would kill you, ya' bastard, but I guess your tremendous barrier of fat protected you...

[ButtMunch: _(grabs and jiggles his belly)_ Yeah... Hehe, it sho' does... Hehe!

[Crazy: **Shut the hell up!**

[ButtMunch: Ya'll always so sweet on me, Crazy!

Suddenly, a large robot came out from behind a building. ButtMunch put his hands up in a very girly fashion and squealed in the same manner!

[ButtMunch: Oh lawdy, lawdy, what be that monstrosity!!??!!

Crazy popped her axe out of ButtMunch's head.

[Crazy: It's a robot, retard, what's it look like!?!

ButtMunch jumped up down yet again like a little faggot.

[ButtMunch: Oh he'p me! He'p me!! Don't let it get me!! **DON'T LET IT GET ME!!!!**

With that Crazy tossed her axe at the robot's head, causing it to collapse dead on the ground.

[Crazy: Happy!?! Now shut the f*** up!

Crazy walked over to the "dead" robot and pulled her axe out of it just as ButtMunch gave out another squeal.

[Crazy: What the hell is it now!!?!!

Crazy looked over to see ButtMunch standing in front of the entrance to a stupid-looking amusement park.

[ButtMunch: Lookit here, Crazy!! It done says dat cute couples can get in fo' free!

[Crazy: Well that's stupid...

ButtMunch looked over at Crazy and bit his lower lip, giving her a stupid looking smile.

[ButtMunch: You thinkin', what I'm thinkin'?

Crazy's eyes popped open with an unsettling twitch from her right one.

[Crazy: **NO WAY!!!** I despise that damn park!! I can think of 1,000 things I'd rather do than go to that park, ESPECIALLY with you!!!

[ButtMunch: Come on Crazy, it's free fo' God's sake!! I mean it says right here in black and white, "Cute couples get in _free_!"

[Crazy: Yeah, well here's a newsflash for ya', retard! We aren't a couple!! And neither of us are _cute_ by any stretch of the imagination whatsoever!!

[ButtMunch: Oh come on, bitch, it'll be fun!

[Crazy: Don't you dare!!!

Not heeding Crazy's warning, ButtMunch grabbed her arm and ran into the amusement park with her. Just as they were about to enter, Crazy slammed her axe into ButtMunch's head and ran inside to escape from him.

[ButtMunch: Dat ole' bitch, she playin' hard to get!

And with that, ButtMunch ran inside after her. 


	13. I can't think of a title

Chapter 13  
**I Can't Think of A Title**

Knutz the Enema walked through Square Station, having just been kicked out of Rots-o-Ruck. Knutz looked at the 3 new shards of the Master Nut he just found.

[Knutz: Well, that's 6 down... That leaves... Damn, I wish I knew how many pieces of the Master Nut there were.

Suddenly, Knutz saw Dr. Rorumpnik walking by.

[Knutz: The hell!?! What's Buttman doin' here!? Well he's just minding his own business, so I might as well go and beat the shit out of him!

So Knutz ran off in the direction in which he saw Rorumpnik walk off in. After a minute or two, Knutz found Rorumpnik.

[Knutz: Hey, Buttman!!

Rorumpnik turned around quickly.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Would you stop **CALLING ME THAT!!!**

Knutz noticed that Rorumpnik was holding a Chaos Chrystal.

[Knutz: Woah, where the hell did you get that!?

Rorumpnik looked at the Chaos Chrystal.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Oh this? Oh I got in a vending machine!

[Knutz: Really!? Funny how some of those things are so easy to be found, yet others are excruciatingly hard to find, huh!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: My sentiments exactly!

[Knutz: So uh, just one thing I wanna' know, Buttman... Just before I beat the snot outta' you an' all... You know anything about the Master Nut pieces, wouldja?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: The hell you talkin' about- ...I mean uh... Of course I do! Hehehe... ButtMunch is after them, he's stealing them! Yeah, that's right! He's trying to take the Master Nut away from you, Knutz!

Knutz rubbed his chin thoughfully.

[Knutz: Hmm... Something tells me I've fallen for that trick countless times before, but I'm still a gullable sap so I'll believe every word you say, my arch enemy!

With that, Knutz walked off, waving to Rorumpnik. Rorumpnik waved back happily.

[Knutz: Seeya' Buttman!

Suddenly, Rorumpnik's eyes popped open giving a twitch with his right eye.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Okay, you asked for it!! **DEFICATION!!!**

Knutz looked back to see if he had just heard Rorumpnik say what he just thought he heard.

[Knutz: What the hell did you just say!?!

But before anyone could do anything else, Defication rose up from the ground.

[Defication: Yeah, what is it, chief?

Rorumpnik handed the Chaos Chrystal to Defication.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Here. Take this and beat the living shit out of Knutz!

Defication saluted.

[Defication: Ja, mein furher!

Defication grabbed the Chaos Chrystal and ate it, making him grow a foot taller and growing another mechanical arm.

[Knutz: WHAT THE F--!?!

[Dr. Rorumpnik: This, my friend, is Defication, the undefeatable peepee monster! Mwahahaha!!

[Knutz: Well, what's it doin' here!?

[Dr. Rorumpnik: If you don't mind, I'm going to use you as a guinea pig for my little experiment!

Suddenly Defication shoved his uriney face in Knutz' almost-equally disgusting face.

[Defication: **_ROAR!!!_** (Actually saying roar of course!)

[Knutz: EEP!!

And Knutz ran away for dear life. Rorumpnik stood standing looking in the direction that Knutz had just run off in. His eyes widened.

[Dr. Rorumpnik: Wow... That worked better than I thought it would! 


End file.
